I recently spent 2.5 years as a DN (mostly Europe and SE Asia) but then went through a huge breakup (6 yr relationship) and decided to spend some time back home (Melbourne, AUS). I’m giving myself a year back here, just to ‘come down’ from it all, reconnect with important people in my life, and lick my wounds a bit.
Can I just say, surprise surprise - it’s HAAAARD! Being home is such a slap in the face, even though I’m earning more money than ever, my business is going great, and doing some other wonderful things/spending time with wonderful people. The breakup, coupled with a complete shift in my reality and routine has been almost too much to bare - I wouldn’t recommend it! NOBODY at home understands the internal existential conflict I’m experiencing. It’s been 8 months and not getting any easier.
Here’s the thing: I know that I want to continue the DN lifestyle, and am very well-equipped to do so, but I can’t stop thinking about why, how and when. Is it the right thing for me anymore? Should I set up a base here again properly, buy an apartment & all that jazz, and just do shorter trips?
This has probably been discussed multiple times, so apologies if I’m repeating. Here are my main concerns around going back to full time travel:
Being a DN with a long-term partner who was also working a bit seemed like the ultimate lifestyle for me. It was damn amazing. Now that I’m no longer in a relationship, and am a female nearing 30, I can’t help but feel pressured by society to stay here and remain open to the possibility of eventually meeting someone again. If I want to have a family at any point, I kinda can’t be running all over the world creating fleeting relationship after fleeting relationship and having to deal with the loneliness that inevitably hits when you make beautiful connections and then have to say goodbye over and over. I feel I’ve been ‘broken’ and don’t have the emotional capacity to handle this anymore. At least last time, I had one solid thing that was always there - my partner.
On top of this, don’t you think the DN thing is just way more purposeful and wonderful when you have someone to share it with? I feel like doing it alone will just remind me over and again of my loss. Perhaps though, as I create new memories, that will ease in time.
Also, because I’m so flustered and restless at the moment, I can’t decide where I want to go next. I’m overwhelmed by all the places in the world I want to visit, and places I want to go back to. How do you cope with this overwhelm and making some decisions when you’re alone? Was easy for me when I had someone to plan it out with.
And finally, am I being ridiculous? I know everyone says you should just do what you WANT to do in life, focus on yourself, do what makes you happy, and perhaps love will happen again at some point when you’re ready. But you also don’t get the things you want without a little bit of planning. Perhaps I should just stop thinking about my ‘body clock’ and be ok with whatever happens. Easier said than done!
Your kind encouragement would be most appreciated.