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orpgpwkwgklxqml2d
In case if non-native English speakers were unaware
ogudtatk2d
emotinal too, unless someone is really crying...and maybe even then.
fagcwjmycdxyfufz2d
But thereโ€™s tons more, and I definitely donโ€™t know them all myself. I doubt anyone really knows all of them. You just learn as you go. Emphasis on _learn_.
brwulujgpowqqgv2d
Agreed, even I'm learning
oolhggxvx2d
So what kind of words would you avoid using when talking with/to men?
vtsehgdqvvxmjipj2d
Communication is hard. ๐Ÿคท
glfhhbine2d
I just feel like the world would be a better place if we just use the words that we thing are the most fitting, without thinking of any historical implications of these words. I know itโ€™s utopia but forcibly looking for another word in a given context despite having the fitting one at hand seems just dumb.
fbdvknncgomjsrog2d
Iโ€™ve made a point of not using โ€œdudesโ€ because I have male friends that, while not being trans or non-binary, do not identify so much with the masculinity aspect of their gender.
ujwkyrcp2d
Thereโ€™s this great old video by Jay Smooth called โ€œhow to tell someone they sound racist.โ€ Itโ€™s difficult to call someone out in a way that doesnโ€™t shut down the conversation
eqhqhnygebw2d
"dude" is hard for me because I..... literally call inanimate objects "dude" so it does feel gender neutral to me but then I'm aware that if I were gesturing towards a group of women I would not say "those dudes over there"
sxlopphmwqh2d
so I still slip up with "dude"
ldejwlaerfbhvoit2d
People can exist all over the spectrum, so itโ€™s best to just learn how people like to communicate.
rtphmrlkg2d
See I didnโ€™t use the word emotional in any way weighted towards men or women, I just used it (as a non native speaker) because I thought it to be fitting in that context
hgtkxbhnhnudytll2d
The โ€œdudeโ€ terminology has varying levels of acceptance as gender neutral term in different places.
tuhmlfjrqtlcszah2d
Some places it seems to actually be fairly commonly used.
zaaszuguy2d
I always thought that the female version of dude was โ€œgalโ€. Am I wrong?
rnmilxhzhed2d
it's super common for where I grew up to just call everyone dude
lbzdlyelpzh2d
like, to friend "dude, what the fuck?"
dzuqafpwkeq2d
regardless of gender
xfzonsrfp2d
In germany we have definitely a male connotation on dude
yzwnslpgftmylhhg2d
My experience has been about the same re gal.
ohboktnutqmtfyrq2d
Similar use here.
psswsbstajv2d
I don't think I've ever said "gal" un-ironically
lahgivkfhvj2d
except for my two friends who are named gal ๐Ÿ˜‚
nimmoimhh2d
or โ€œgurlโ€ haha
dgaonpfnj2d
But ive never used it, too
cagfudbhjgt2d
(one is a boy, one is a girl, they are both israeli, so pronounced gahl)
uhstzjiosslntfbi2d
I donโ€™t think anyone uses โ€œdudeโ€ here unironically soโ€ฆ ๐Ÿคท
qhrvlkyavdo2d
I do, though
rqeejkkrmlt2d
as a....... vocative? I don't remember what part of speak that is
inytrtcdpww2d
as in "dude can you pass me the salt" and "dude what are you doing?" and "duuuuuuuuuuuuuuude wtf"
kntunddxgot2d
aaaand now I am semantically satiated
ikhzgmgfk2d
I use dude all the time when I am around english speaking people. Any context really (as in any context where you are remotely friends with each other)
bvaexsyba2d
Anyways thanks for your input on this, I gladly learn. And please donโ€™t be offended by my missteps, it was not intended and I live by elonโ€™s โ€œbe a little less wrong every dayโ€
yosvriwoi2d
disclaimer Never actually researched if that quote is original
jkuaymvjv2d
Doesnt matter, its good.
dmcvisfqxpivgadd2d
One which really sucks for all the non-binary folks that like to identify with they/them is that many languages actually have _no concept_ of gender neutral words. There was a big fuss about that in the Node.js community years ago when someone made a pull request making pronouns gender neutral and a native Dutch speaker didnโ€™t understand why.
gjqeqiuvboa2d
I know for example in romance languages that default to masculine (i.e. a mixed group is masculine, only a female-only group is feminine) some friends have started using the feminine words for mix groups
pymkkoyogjz2d
like, "migas" is for "hey friends regardless of gender
ttslmkkxsibegnjf2d
Yep, Iโ€™ve heard that too.
sbvegbarlan2d
in kind of fb slang
oaiygdvewqvngwv2d
Yeaaaah Spanish is not very gender-neutral friendly
ylmmdjgyokq2d
although it's a little convenient for spanish and portuguese that usually it's between an o and an a and tf neatly encapsulates both!
ekxbyccodii2d
although I see that a lot less lately
tgslmcptcqpfmxk2d
I think some groups (LGBT-geared for the most part) are using Latinx instead of Latino/a
nijwqfcebkv2d
and more amigxs
rmpgxutognb2d
which... I don't even know how to say out loud
cpxjzkiqnzo2d
right, the x shows up a lot more lately
fwepjxzixwutbqx2d
It's like "e"
fostrrfrmmy2d
GOOD TO KNOW
eyrxjkxudvd2d
I've just tried to never say one of those words out loud ๐Ÿ˜‚
gmpgbkxsqvytqnoq2d
Itโ€™s hard enough to figure out how to sound out a word with letters that donโ€™t produce the typical soundโ€ฆbut just imagine how hard itโ€™s going to be when written language dies and we communicate in pure emoji. How do you _speak_ in emoji? ๐Ÿค” ๐Ÿ˜†
ttwalqvlnzj2d
interpretive dance
drjyxbvwh2d
cue Neuralink
nfhjidoppkzfweq2d
I think emojis have gender-neutral icons
sbjatnlvvhzyobky2d
Iโ€™d be onboard for a new communication system based on interpretive dance. ๐Ÿ˜†
wfictvxir2d
I always found it amazing that the english language doesnt seem to differentiate adressing people in a formal or friendly manner. Well at least not in theโ€ฆ I dont know how you call it, the โ€œYouโ€ In german we have โ€œDuโ€ and โ€œSieโ€, the former being the friends way and the latter being the formal way of adressing people. And other languages/cultures have way more differentiation in that. I thought it was so freeing to just be able to use ONE word. In german there are lots of situations if you really dont know which word to use and then some more or less awkward conversations happen around if I can use one or the other, like, is everyone okay with that etc. It would be nice to have a simple way for male, female and non-binary all the same
ettjffvg2d
I think weโ€™ve repurposed the word โ€œtheyโ€ for that
fuqqctuufsa2d
this reminds me that in korean, like 80% of the time you don't even say "you"
vavclzfunbs2d
one just drops the subject/object and it's implied
rbilcatks2d
Iโ€™m not sure if repurposing a word is the right way tho.
axbrzzbfd2d
Sure its easier
hfslgkuee2d
But is it โ€œrightโ€?
bohwredl2d
It happens with language all the time
aitbfnomfjznxkv2d
I use "sir" or "ma'am" for a formal way of saying "you", but only with elderly people (and in very rare cases)
vgsauawu2d
Well maybe not French ๐Ÿ˜
pasbcietb2d
lxoumhhxisxuhrxh Would these people legit get angry/upset or view you worse if you would omit the sir or maโ€™am?
kozebrmld2d
Because if you would just call everyone โ€œDuโ€ in germany they would for sure think you are disrespecting them. Some will let on, others wont
erdwyyquaggwcvz2d
Yes, some of them would.
ggmkfztsz2d
But its also an age thing. Same age may get away with it but when you talk to a considerably older person than you and you would go stright for โ€œDuโ€ they will in most cases not like it
vvamhakksgnsavq2d
But these are also people that are likely found in nursing homes in the southern states of the US so I doubt you'll come across them ๐Ÿ˜‚
qhfmmymzxhutprz2d
Unsure about the rest of the US. Culture varies widely.
agjjsnvam2d
Cool I didnt know that. I thought the sir or maโ€™am was more of an add on. Its good to know.
ogyojoub2d
My mother (from the South) would force us to say yes maโ€™am and yes sir all the time when I was a kid
dnpfmlkqjhculzf2d
I got scolded for not saying that
kqlgfvwtzhuadbe2d
"How dare you disrespect him/her"
ytiguhoq2d
Yep, if I said โ€œyesโ€ she would glare at me until I added maโ€™am
gfhzwtcno2d
But then again, I work at a shop for people with low income right now, like volunteering, and there are often people that donโ€™t know how to say โ€œexcuse meโ€ or something like that to get your attention in german and I dont judge them for that. They just say โ€œHelloโ€ and while that would come across as disprespectful if a native german speaker would say that, it doesnt in that case. And I just hope that other people will judge me the same way when I donโ€™t speak their native language. Although I do stry to learn the appropriate phrases
vzdfnmbrbfcxqjb2d
I think in general people are understanding of those scenarios
zehzmbqbj2d
Yeah thankfully that has been my experience, too , mostly
qwjopaxesl2d
iawdhqpdso I still remember my German cousin could not believe that I would just kind of grunt "huh" or "hmm" to her if I didn't hear something she said ( as opposed to a polite "pardon me", or "excuse me, I didn't hear you"). I was a child then, and have improved my manners, but I still always remember to mind my manners when speaking to a German.
betaisstpjzhz2d
Good practice no matter what nationality you're speaking to ๐Ÿป
rjhfgpabr1d
yawdwiuoyrz To be fair, if its cousins or like relatives itโ€™s usually totally okay to say hmm? instead of the polite version.
hhmwtbhkgrlhq1d
Same here.
hbbqyve1d
Just finished reading "the Truth" by neil strauss - crazy guy with his polyamory adventures - any folks here that have made polyamory work for long term? (<3-5 years , not short stints)
dnsncop1d
Yes, I had a healthy 6 year-long poly relationship many years back. Probably not as adventurous as whatever's in that book, but it was an excellent growth experience.
narkcjp1d
what rule(s) do you think really made it a success for so long?
fibhznu1d
Probably the best advice I can give is to let your potential partner suggest doing things this way. Most poly relationships that begin with a guy persuading someone they like to try it ends badly IMO. Not too many people are well-suited to this relationship style, and it requires a lot of extra work if you're going to have some structure with one primary partner.
wtkufqr1d
I guess it also works if you get into a poly community where people who self-identify that way are interested in meeting new people and potential partners. I never did find those scenes to be all that appealing though.
jjpigtl1d
Most of the rest is stuff that would benefit just about anyone in any sort of relationship. Cultivate self-knowledge, get to the root of jealousy and address your insecurities through self-improvement, learn something like non-violent communication for negotiation and compromise etc.
rxcctyu1d
But so much depends on you and who you meet.
ykjpyzx1d
makes sense, thanks mate!
cfqwcs10h
On the woman vs. female topic i sometimes use expressions like "my female friends" (or "my male friends") if I for whatever reason wants to divide a group of people by gender. Does that sound bad to native speakers? "my friends who are women" does sound a bit contrived to me, whereas "my girlfriends" seems to confuse people... ๐Ÿ˜‰
vwjcsnjaqpblhnmk10h
I think thatโ€™s one of the rare exceptions to the rule.
djxsweiuhtpeqz10h
โ€œMy female friendsโ€ is a pretty normal phrase
cbzogdkos8h
I think "ma bitchez" and "ma bros" are probably the most accepted terms.
rbdwhktuy8h
please dear god do not do this.
dfwdjqhdvxoawi7h
โ€œBut I read about it on nomadlistโ€ ๐Ÿ˜†
yojmbdcty6h
i don't think that's quite the brand they were going for, haha
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