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I think it depends on where your communities are. I do find myself constantly flipping between Facebook, Instagram, and WhatsApp to keep in touch with people around the world.
hiradm 2mo
I hate having so many different social/messaging apps but Iโ€™ve given up. Keeping in touch with people is more important than the inconvenience IMO.
I never got an Instagram until I started traveling and networking more. Found it to be essential. Everyone is on it and they use your profile to catch your vibe
I'm not in constant contact with most of my friends, and instagram is an invaluable way of keeping up with them and finding out if we're in or going to be in the same city
I don't use it much, only post like one story a month but I spend a few minutes usually in the morning skimming through some other peoples' stories, but when I post I get a few people reaching out to me that they're in the area
I think it's a pretty low-effort high-value tool
jae189 2mo
i just think its very distracting and pretty sad when you want to keep in touch and people only want to switch instagrams, maybe because they dont want to give out there whatsapps or maybe because they want more followers, likes and stuff. im just not into all that
I don't think everyone asking for your Instagram just does that to get more followers or likes or whatever... It might just be their preferred messaging app with the added benefit of getting some updates from you and they might find it easier than exchanging numbers
I delete IG from my phone in between posting stuff because I donโ€™t want the distraction, so I tell people if they want a more timely response from me, WhatsApp or iMessage is better. Never had any complaints :) (also far prefer the messaging UX on those two)
luskira 2mo
eeetkilwyqqkwzh I do that too hahah, post, delete, install to post again
I have been doing it too. It can get too distracting and itโ€™s easier to just delete it for avoiding to spend too much time on it
luskira 2mo
There's also the option of only using it on the computer with News Feed Eradicator on, that way you really only see the chat
Is news feed eradicator browser plugin?
It really depends on the person. I know some who don't use social media at all, and some who are addicted. Personally, Instagram and WhatsApp are the only two I use daily. I message certain people on either depending on who it is.
mikedev10 2mo
if we're not friends on instagram how will you know my favorite smoothie toppings or about all of the exotic cats i'm petting?
I was curious if anyone has been in a situation where you met your ex from another country after a long period of separation. I'm interested in hearing about your experiences. Did you and your ex get back together, or did you remain friends
I deleted Facebook years ago but use ig a lot. I find way more people ask for my ig than my Facebook
luskira 2mo
grllll don't haha
yqeqlamrk ok! ๐Ÿ˜‚ you think it's never a good idea? I was once inspired by the movie Before Sunrise, but I just want to know if someone actually had positive experiences reuniting with exes from another country, after they had separated.
I did the break up and get back together thing a few times when I was younger. I also did the โ€œletโ€™s stay friendsโ€ a few times. I no longer recommend either.

Fast forward a few years and I am friends with exactly one of those people to this day, an old high school sweetheart of mine and someone I was friends with for a good year or two before we ever started dating. Iโ€™m also good friends with her husband, and she gets along well with my significant other. But our scenario is not common or likely, has taken work and is, admittedly, a bit weird.

Hooking back up with an ex can be nice for awhile. Nostalgia, old chemistry, etc. Iโ€™ve def had some steamy hook ups with exes over the years. But none of it lasted very long, and ultimately itโ€™s just not very useful or fulfilling cycle. :man-shrugging::skin-tone-2:

These days I advise people to try to break up as amicably and ethically as they can, get some separation, and never go back.
I had an amicable ex breakup a few years ago that ended with โ€œI need space, but we could go on occasional datesโ€ and we did and it was fun. Definitely the exception though.

Iโ€™ve also had a few comets over the years (periodic lovers, who I met in other cities and occasionally we would cross paths every year or three), who itโ€™s always lovely to reconnect with. Sometimes we have other commitments and nothingโ€™s on the table, other times weโ€™re both available and interested. As a rule we donโ€™t have expectations going in, and itโ€™s worked fine.
thomster 2mo
I've never had an Instagram account, and probably never will lol
luskira 2mo
I had positive experiences reuniting but both of us knew then that it was just a momentary thing, it wasn't going to be serious again.

With that said, it takes a special kind of bond to be able to move from that to a friendship and then never hookup again. Most times things just get messy
It seems like there might have been a lack of initial emotional connection, leading to detachment that couldn't be repaired. Is that what happened from your perspective?
luskira 2mo
I don't think so, we were pretty serious first time, then we had a break because I would move very far away. And then I decided to cut contact so she could move on. After a year or so I went back and we decided to hang out. We were chatting as friends, and then things happened. But we both knew I wouldn't be there for long so we didn't create any expectations.

Now a days she's married, as am I and we still chat from time to time but it's friendly.
Thanks for sharing, and very happy to hear that it all worked out for you guys!
Thanks for sharing your experiences. Iโ€™m just going trough a breakup.
Up to now I still have a friendlike relationship with my ex :see_no_evil:
Also with the relationship before.
Got IG recently and itโ€™s been great to keep in touch with the nomads I meet. Much easier than Fb/WA/etc thanks to stories
thomster 1mo
Didn't know that people use insta so much
I don't know a single person (personally) that doesn't have it shrugโ€female_sign
Has nothing to do with more followers. I honestly just dont like giving out my phone number if I don't know you that well. They don't even have to follow me on IG, but I prefer to message on there if we just met.
Which triology? ๐Ÿ˜…
rfsoafwhpoa Yes, it has a happy ending ๐Ÿ˜Š
nshkaomnptqmrhke Before Sunrise, Before Midnight, Before Sunset movies
Why not? Do you remember the last scene?
jae189 1mo
love is just crazy
Especially if you fall for someone in another country where you don't intend to stay long term, which is almost always the case for nomads.
jae189 1mo
Si definitely
I find being honest the hardest part ๐Ÿ˜ข
jae189 1mo
This is such a good thread ๐Ÿ‘
I think it depends a lot in the situation, how things ended and if there's still feelings from one or both sides.

In my case I didn't have the chance with any of my ex as I moved on and in many cases, they still had feelings for me or they didn't want to be friends as they were focus in their new partner.

But I'll recommend you try and see what happens, follow your instinct and if you see yourself in a weird situation or that things are getting complicated you can always finished it, good luck โ˜˜
If you had 40+ matches in a country where thatโ€™s not that common youโ€™re an Adonis and you might get to meet a lot of people there.

Iโ€™ve used dating apps for 3 months and got 4 matches ๐Ÿคฃ โ€ฆ so itโ€™s a ruthless world if you donโ€™t have the Adonis face or body. So yes, those apps donโ€™t work for everyone, Iโ€™ve heard for men there are two golden rules:

1. Be atractive
2. Donโ€™t be ugly
So thereโ€™s nothing real for friends right?
Maybe not enough market? Maybe are the same dating apps but setting clear from moment 0 what you want?
jerofme 1mo
vicoqmztwqas Sounds like you took a page from r/tinder, lol.
jerofme 1mo
I just discovered Radiate, which really advocates that it's not a dating app, but rather a social network to make friends. However, it's really just for "raves". Pretty good if you're into that scene, IMO.

Not sure if it's just for the US though.
quinn 1mo
I stopped using IG in 2011 when Facebook bought it. Since then, I've kept in touch with people via Signal, SMS, etc. IG is invisible to me, so from my perspective nobody I know uses it. ๐Ÿ˜…
mushirih 1mo
This message was deleted.
time and distance
reflect on the relationship and see what you can take away from ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡น in the next period of your life, do you want more or less like the last period?
I think each individual process takes less or more time depending on the person, how was the breakup, etc.

If you don't find the tools to move forward I'll recommend you to find a psychologist that can help you in the process. When I have a problem that I cannot clearly see how can I solve by myself, I try to find help from professionals.

In my case, what it has always helped me is

โ€ข Being grateful, being thankful of the time and learnings from the relationship.
โ€ข I also like to check what learnings I can get from that, what can I change for future relationships and a lot of self-love.
โ€ข What also helps me a lot is a self-check when I'm not feeling that well, what thoughts is causing that, where it comes from, how I can turn my internal conversation in another way more positive for me.
But mainly is patience and being kind with yourself

Good luck and hope it helps โค๏ธ
jae189 1mo
Lots of discipline
Time, space, and focusing on other things (friends, hobbies, work, etc). I canโ€™t force my emotional recovery, Iโ€™m over it when Iโ€™m over it.
What does simping mean in this context?
mushirih 1mo
Trying to get her back
luskira 1mo
1. Don't try to "win her back".
2. Cut all contact
3. focus on yourself, whether it means working out, meditating, learning something new
4. find new group activities and meet new people (not necessarily romantic, you're probably not in the right mindset now for that)
```time and distance```
This. As discussed above, there are best practices, and there are distractions. But there are no shortcuts.
brendanb 1mo
Mushrooms in the desert
Do you use any apps or techniques to develop your relationships? I mean, something that helps you to improve the communication, or make your time together better or assess how itโ€™s going together?
heyyy hope this helps :heart:

which kind of relationships you mean? with your partner or your friends?

what it has always help me a lot is before saying anything
โ€ข give myself time to breath in-breath out, so the anger or other emotions doesn't flow without control
โ€ข try to be empathetic with the other person
โ€ข how x makes me feel, do a little auto-analysis of my needs
โ€ข A proposal of a solution in an assertive making a validation from both sides, not only yours.
Also, really important to
โ€ข Makes questions to the other person, rather than just through an statement, as making a question makes the other participate but if you say you are X then you're labeling someone and the most common thing that will happen is that they will feel attacked and fight back
โ€ข Talk about a situation, this happened or this is how I feel, but not saying you are xxxx. Better to avoid a judging phrase and putting labels
Also, is better to take your time to reply, no need to do so when the emotional state is way to high and you cannot control yourself, I like to establish a place and a time that fits good for both to be calm and just talk through it without any interruption.

In terms of checking how's the situation with someone, you can just tell them that you value them so you'd love to make an exercise together like a monthly check with questions like
โ€ข what do you value the most
โ€ข what things make you feel unconfortale
โ€ข what do you think we can both do for xxx
It's quite tricky but I think if both sides make an effort to understand each other better then it will get little but little easier ๐Ÿ™‚ and is a matter of practice, the more you put yourself into this difficult conversations the more confident you'll be next time ๐Ÿ˜„
I meant romantic relationships mostly, but interested whether people use any apps for friendships as well!

Thank for such a guided instruction. I use a lot of things from the list and can say that they are very effective!
quinn 1mo
A technique that I found critically useful is|NVC (don't let the name put you off).
Channel your frustration into the gym and get a body to make her regret it
Start seeing a therapist or start using cognitive behavioral therapy techniques on your own
Do positive affirmations and gratitude exercises daily
Iโ€™ve heard about the concept of NVC a few time, but has never known that itโ€™s a holistic concept, thanks for the link!
luskira 1mo
I highly recommend 10 day vipassana retreats, they are free and you can find it anywhere in the world
mushirih 1mo
already done that rehwbfshf
luskira 1mo
How was it for you?
mushirih 1mo
was good, downward-spiralled later on though
Why are you still hung up on this girl? Can you give us more insight as to why you're struggling to get over her? Then perhaps we can give better advice. Given that it's been nine months already, unless this was an extremely long relationship, it might be something other than your garden variety post breakup sadness.
mushirih 1mo
just the vibe, and how good she looked (not the best I've dated but top 3)
we had fun, everytime we got along
mushirih 1mo
and we dated for 1 year, she broke up with me (a first for me)
How old are you and how many serious relationships have you been in? How difficult has it been for you to date women you are both physically and mentally attracted to? How is your self esteem at the moment? How stable are the other areas of your life (e.g. friends, work, health)?
mikegwhit 1mo
i took his class on co-dependence, he's a guru of sorts and years later i still sometimes source his material so it was money well spent
mushirih 1mo
Mostly high
Friends and health is ok. work is a bit less fulfilling
Iโ€™ll take a look, thanks!
I love PQ app on mental fitness, they have a great habit-forming practice on self-awareness and strengthening relationships. Iโ€™m happy to tell more and offer a discount, cannot post a link but if you google โ€œpositiveintelligenceโ€ the page should show up :)
eu4life 1mo
I used IG as a personal brand, to share about, interest (finance, fitness, nutrition, movies), portfolio & event attended while posting content that I would like to connect with others in order to provide value and viceversa.

I used my stories to post some of my daily activities, but I share only what's needed.

Not having an active IG, to me is a sign of stagnation and having a pollute one of being attention wh0r3. The key is balance
From my experience dating apps never work for me, I'm always putting into all the effort into making a great impression and I don't get matches (even on the paid versions) but I suffer from intense in person social anxiety when there is pressure in introducing myself to a stranger....
I'm looking for advice on where to find singles, (I don't drink or do drugs / smoke) and I'm not looking for a partner who drinks.
Clubs and bars are not my style.
My best advice, go out and live your life doing the things you genuinely enjoy and give you fulfillment. Youโ€™re most likely to find a good partner in those situations (plus you get to enjoy your life).

Also, the best things are born of authenticity, which canโ€™t be forced. Take care of yourself and trust those meant for you will find their way to you.
Yeah I've been trying to do that, I went on a road trip across Canada (Was rushed didn't have to time to meet anyone) Than I went to Vegas (Lost all my money, Than went home) But yes.. I agree with you. I just like to do things with other people even friends... which real ones are hard to find these days.
rmmlcstr 1mo
My advice for you is to work on your social anxiety, do little exercises like only saying "hello" to strangers, then move to say hi and ask for the hour, then move to ask also for name, and make it a bit harder until you feel comfortable.
rmmlcstr 1mo
My point is that singles are everywhere, it depends on you if you approach them
sylow 1mo
Join a pickleball club
Join a hiking/camping group
Travel to South East Asia, stay in hostels or guests houses and find travel partners.
Join amateur pool tournaments
Start swimming (not social but it is my meditation that boosts my confidence and beats my social anxiety)
I suggest not to go out to find someone for relationship but go out to find people to connect.
Hmmm surprised nobody said the obvious answer, get a new girlfriend
brendanb 1mo
Youโ€™re never going to meet anyone unless youโ€™re the one approaching. Even in the 21st century, guys need to approach. Which is scary.
It doesnโ€™t hurt to read some slightly chauvinistic resources. The Game is an old classic but there are more modern ones. I like https//|Models Attract Women Through Honesty> by Mark Manson.

But also I agree you should only go to events you like. If you donโ€™t like drinking, then meeting women at a bar is going to suck (although it sucks even if you do drink imo).
I havenโ€™t heard about the book or the app, Iโ€™ll give it a try, thanks!
tomhogans 1mo
RE dating apps, have you tried having a female friend review your profile and photos? You really don't need to include much text in your profile, but you will probably be surprised how girls interpret your photos vs what you think of them. I would recommend having at least 2 girls take a look at your profile and make sure you're getting honest feedback from them.
You can post screenshots of your profile here if you want feedback
Thanks everyone for your advice
Yes this is true
One thing that helps is to pick a city with a good dating market and stay put for a couple months. You probably figured that out already from your rushed road trip and time in Vegas.
markus 29d
I am surprised the obvious hasn't been mentioned since this is a nomad community and I am sure you got here for a reason. I have been a full-time nomad for a decade.

Go somewhere like the Philippines e.g. Cebu. It gives you a change in perspective. People there speak English, you will be like a mini celebrity, there are some of the best beaches and scuba diving in the world, your money goes a lot further, and the tropical fruits are incredible. Just the sun alone and the carefree attitude of the Filipinos will shift your mindset.

Don't let the mini celebrity status in some of these countries cloud your ego, don't settle down with the first woman you like and keep working on yourself.
The fact that you lost all your money in Vegas and find it challenging to make real friends highlights that you probably want to work on multiple aspects of your life.

I know that feeling when I talk to a stranger after a while of not being social. It's like going to the gym. If you stop, you have to overcome things by taking action and it's challenging in the beginning.

Later you can move somewhere which is closer culturally or whatever you realize fits your needs better, learn a language like Spanish, live in Eastern Europe or somewhere else in Asia.

Wanna check in here again later how things have been going?
nassim 26d
Itโ€™s easier to approach someone (regardless of age gender etc) when you donโ€™t have expectations.

Just talk to talk, have such a full life that talking to stranger is inconsequential. Once you realize itโ€™s all upside with 0 risk, youโ€™ll never think twice about talking to a stranger.
i am completely confused about how the dating feature is supposed to work ๐Ÿ™‚ where do i set a photo (they seem to be rectangular while profile is square), and primarily - who does it even show me, just people completely globally? ๐Ÿ˜„ and also i get notifications โ€œsomeone swiped right on youโ€ - but who?!
erdokovyz 26d
Classic, recurring questions... We don't really know.
I've started to suspect that this feature was made weird on purpose, as a sneaky effort to build a community around the confusion, where people meet, talk, get to know each other and perhaps fall in love...
Ah, that makes sense. In that case looking for F in 30's in Bay Area to figure the nomadlist dating feature out with me waveskin-tone-2
katharine 25d
It's not really a proper dating app with any sort of algorithm. It's literally just a catalogue of the site's members who have 'casual dating' or 'relationship' selected as their desire, and who are the gender you're looking for. There's no consideration for any other criteria really. I guess the idea isn't for it to be location-specific because in theory DNs can go anywhere to meet up, plus there wouldn't be enough members in the same place to have much swiping. If you look on the members map it's probably a better place to find people according to location and you can also use the filters according to many criteria, then start a conversation yourself.
katharine 25d
Oh and it just uses your profile photo - the app isn't separate to your NomadList profile. It also only shows the interests you match on (not all the ones they have selected) and countries' flags you have both been to.
"It's not bug, it's a feature" vibes lol
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