How do you find love as a digital nomad?

So I was lucky enough to meet my SO before starting to travel, but having talked to lots of people it seems to be a matter of priorities.

If you actually want to find a committed serious relationship, in particular someone who you can travel with, you need to make that a priority. That might mean staying in a location for longer than usual. It can take a significant amount of time to know if a relationship can work.

Travelling for long periods of time is a dream for a lot of people, I think if you are getting stuck in a bubble and thinking the only person you can have a serious relationship with is another person currently nomading, I don’t think you are giving people enough credit.

I don’t think it would be that hard to stop in one location and start using a regular dating site.

I was lucky enough to meet my husband while traveling in India and we both realized that becoming digital nomads/traveling was a passion we both shared.
I think that as long as you are upfront with the women that you meet and want to keep dating, it is possible. You could meet up with her each month or whatever makes sense for you but it has to be something you would both want to do.

Thanks for the positive comments Nicholas. I absolutely hope to meet someone

As someone who has a happy healthy relationship and lives the nomadic life, I can attribute my success in finding a partner to a simple idea. Find someone who is also living the lifestyle. They don’t need to be freelancers either. There are plenty of ppl abroad working in Ngos, education, business and gov. I would suggest not trying to change a non-nomad into one UNLESS that person travels extensively already and you happen to meet them abroad (I converted my partner who had been on a one year excapade around the world). Now she teaches English as a foreign language so we can be together. Good luck

People everywhere are suffering from the same problems, you don’t need to be a nomad to experience loneliness or trouble finding common ground / values with others. Plenty of my sedentary friends are singing the same tune.

For what it’s worth, I’ve concluded that a lot of my friendships and even a handful of relationships, were tied – often indirectly – to this or that language course that I took. Often this works in rather convoluted ways: to use a real example, I met somebody in class 10 years ago, she had a boyfriend, I became friends with him too, and even though eventually they broke up and my former classmate moved to a different city, I stayed friends with the boyfriend; over the following few years I made several new friends through him (and “reciprocated” by introducing him to someone he’s now married to), etc etc. Scenarios change, but curiously, there’s often some language class as the “seed” of new friendships and even relationships, although I should emphasize that it’s not necessarily the person you study with who becomes a long-term contact and social connector: often it’s their friend or significant other.

To be honest, I am not sure whether this can be worked into a strategy of building your nomadic social life. The main problem with language classes (from the point of view of 30- and 40-somethings) is that they skew both too young and too old. There are plenty of 20-year-olds (or younger) who take them and a smaller but still significant number of retirees. Additionally, even when you do “click” with someone and make plans to meet up later, in a different place, in most cases the connection fades over the next months.

But even with this disclaimer, one at least has to recognize that language classes do act as a very rough, preliminary filter: after all, a person who makes an effort to learn another country’s language (even if they are themselves not nomadic) could at least potentially understand the way you see the world and become your long-term contact, friend, and maybe even something else. Most “normal” people, at least in anglo-speaking countries, have no interest whatsoever in learning languages.

Good conversation. I don’t even travel as much as other nomads, but I’ve found that the life I want to live just doesn’t seem to be one that others want to live with me. And it’s not just about “ok, who wants to live in another part of the world?” but who is really compatible with me in terms of values (I’m a vegetarian, Christian, meditator, wanna-be world-changer, filmmaker-actress who wants to share these things with someone) as well. I meet men who have things in common, but then they have a job they can’t leave, or children that tie them down, or they’re hippies who can’t afford to go anywhere… or if I meet a traveler… we don’t have anything else in common. I feel like I’m stuck in a choice of either 1. be free to do your own thing and move around, alone, or 2. find someone special and be tied to one place. Either way, I feel like I’m not living my life to it’s full potential, and I’m stuck in a strange limbo. Grr.

Hey. I really simpathise with this “problem” as I am experiencing it right now. I would go as far as to say that, for me, it is probably the toughest aspect of nomading (along with keeping fit and not letting the laziness take over). I also agree as someone else has said that I suspect I am more likely to meet someone who’s already nomading as opposed to someone who isn’t or is in my home countries. but also, I find that this issue increases with age. all the difficulties of meeting people if not nomading and in your late 30s (as I am) or older are multiplied by nomading. just a fact of life I guess. but I am an optimist and also I’d rather be alone and nomading it than alone and not nomading

I suppose what I would do, would be to get in touch with local nomad communities as I travel, and utilize online dating sites that have a ‘global’ (or at least, tech-centric) userbase, and advertise that Im looking for someone to digital-nomad-around-the-world with. Im sure there are some technologists out there that would love to give up their desk job and work with an experienced partner on some contract work in a nomadic fashion. Perhaps you can convince a potential partner you would assist with finding those first few contracts, and get the process started.

Global music festival scenes seem like a good place to meet a like minded partner, willing to hop around the world and work remotely. I’ve met people from various burning man camps at other festivals globally, whom are just traveling for fun in the long term. That sort of person might be a good candidate for a nomad partner.

Though, given the age we live in, and specifically, how most of the world is not adapted to nomadism, this sounds like a tough challenge indeed. I guess we all have to accept that we are in the minority, and that makes it more challenging to find a long term relationship that matches our lifestyle. High compatibility in all other relationship attributes, along with the ability / freedom to work nomadically, is not something I would expect. It sounds like a hope for the best (find your match!) and prepare for the worst (no one compatible) kind of situation.

Best of luck to ya.

Hi OP, sorry if this sounds harsh but you are more likely to find your nomadic partner somewhere on the road than in your home country before you leave. If you have the courage to go nomadic on your own, you can meet up with other nomadic communities across the globe and find likeminded people, and maybe that special someone who will be your partner (maybe at first just for the next destination, and hopefully more if you really enjoy each others’ company!)

I live in Argentina (not Argentine just an expat) and in general, people from cultures like Arg and Mexico just do not understand the traveling lifestyle and why anyone would want this (more than a few weeks of vacation a year and never solo). Sure, there are a few nomadic Argies and Mexicans around the globe but there is something in the cultural fabric that tells most people to just conform and live the stationary life in or near your hometown where you can have the unending support of family and the same friends you grew up with. Being different is not as celebrated as in Europe and America (where individualism also has its downsides, don’t get me wrong) but in Latin America I think it’s much harder to break out of that mold and so my only advice would be not to expect people there to understand your urge to travel and not to expect to find a Mexican girl who wants to do it with you. Maybe you’ll meet a good potential DN partner on a site like this one or somewhere out there, but it’s not likely you’ll meet her where you are at the moment.

I don’t mean to rag on Mexican women or Latin people in general, I just speak from my own experience living in Latin America and learning about the cultural norms and hearing people reacting to my ideas and lifestyle choices… hopefully you understand!

I’m not that concerned with finding a relationship but I think there are two factors at work. The first, obviously, is the travel life style that isn’t going to suit everyone. But even if you stay put, if you have values and a lifestyle outside of the norm, the dating pool gets a lot smaller.

In Australia, it feels like the majority of people want to get married, have kids, buy a house and then go through a continuous cycle of renovating that house!

I guess the upside is that, even though it’s more challenging to find someone, if you do, you will have a much more satisfying relationship than if you just settled – the same as not settling for a job, location or any other aspect of life, I guess

There would be no point of living if I don’t believe that I can have anything I want. Depending on how much I want it and what I’m willing to do to have it. If I’m not getting what I want, it’s because I’m not doing something right. So the power is within me to fix it to get what I want. I want it all and I aim for it all

@andrewkent I’m an optimist by heart so I gotta say you CAN have it all. Within reason of course. I’ve seen couples traveling so why not me? I’ve seen billionaires too so why not me? Of course, I need to take action And this post is essentially one path of action - reaching out and asking other fellow travelers and entrepreneurs.

I do agree on the “That’s part of the deal we make ourselves”. I knew from the start it was a lonely journey, but maybe it doesn’t have to be like that - ergo the DateANomad site.

I don’t mean to be crass and cynical, but in life, you can’t have it all. I know that’s incredibly obvious, but sometimes we need to be reminded of that.

You make decisions and stick with them. That’s the only way you’ll ever achieve anything meaningful, in business and in relationships.

I’m not saying you can’t have both, but I think you need to be a little more realistic with your expectations. Most people aren’t cut out for this life. The very nature of living your life one WiFi hotspot at a time is antithetical to stable, long-term relationships. That’s part of the deal we make with ourselves.

awesome @sadok_ycr ! I’ve sent you a PM so check it out

@flowen Well as a UI and UX designer I have to say that a lot of the weight goes down to the user experience on the site. I would love to contribute and make the site look more engaging and appealing, making the users come back and interact, and improving the overall UX. Let me know if you’re up for it

Honestly? I think the only serious relationship i would be able to have would be with a digital nomad lady, but i’ve never met her(: Nowadays i live every few months in several places and this is the amount of time I spend with a girl… I don’t want to sound selfish, but my priority is to keep growing my business and seeing the world, so this is the hardest part to leave a place every few months, knowing that you have to end something beautyful. Still I feel my desires to grow are related on keep moving and seeing more parts of the world, build new relationships and so on.
This is a hard topic

@flowen Wow, over 1000 members? I signed up a while back but never looked at it again because I was thinking most of the profiles were fake/filler. It would be great if you made this site more functional/accessible. As @sadok_ycr said, I’d be happy to help with any backend work.

Hey flowen,

That site looks interesting! I was disappointed to see that most profiles are kinda empty. And that most of them don’t have pictures. You should make the profile pic accessible at full size, and maybe find a way to kickstart the community into actually filling profiles? It’s a great start.

I’m a designer so hmu if I can help. I’d live to contribute to make this a great site!

Very interesting topic. First of all, wether you’re talking about that stigma or not, remember: digital nomads are a real niche. Second, there simply aren’t that many people with a burning desire to create a better world. Not because they don’t want too but often they think they can’t or are stuck in the ‘rat race’. They don’t see opportunities and often think a digital nomad lifestyle is just for those few fortunate ones. Third, most people still see traveling as a way tourists do. Hop in and hop out.

Little plug: I created the site @wanderingdev mentioned: http://dateanomad.net

It’s a simple site with over a 1000 members, you can find and message anyone. Though you gotta browse a bit as I believe many are mainly curious, heard of the lifestyle but aren’t an actual DN. Besides that, I feel it’s basically what @wanderingdev sums up.

And yes, I know, I really have to work on that site

hahaha I’m the other way. In part what is driving me to become location independent is that I need to do so in order to have a shot at one. There are girls that have been waiting too long for me and at the same time if anything’s going to go on, I need to get them location independent too. Given that most are in jobs that aren’t a big deal to walk away from or replace, it won’t be terribly hard.

I do know the places I want to settle and for any of us to move there essentially being location independent would help rather than hinder since you’re not going to be dependent on being able to get a job before you move or once you get there.

It’s a beautiful thing to be travelling together though for those that have managed to pull it off. I’ve travelled too much on my own as it is.

Relationships, particularly romantic ones, are challenging in general and only made harder by being a nomad. There has been a lot of discussion about it in the relationships channel on the #nomads slack group. There is at least one dating site dedicated to nomads and I suspect @levelsio has something brewing in his brain.

There is also a single digital nomads Facebook group that is pretty quiet but has occasional good convos. It’s good to talk about with other like minded people to see what their perspectives are. Some people would only get involved with another nomad, some would stop nomading and settle down for the right person. Others would land somewhere in the middle. Only you know what you would do and, I suspect, you’ll only know it when you find a person that really makes you think about it. Until then, all the planning in the world is just theoretical.

My personal opinion is that nomads are more likely to find someone to have a relationship with while they’re nomading than when they’re in their home countries.

Take heart from the many nomading couples that it can happen and work.